I should have known things were too good to be true. I guess I just got caught up in the euphoria that comes with having my condition improve for the first time in over three months. I began to think I was almost back to normal. Turns out I’ve forgotten what normal is. I made plans to return to work and live a relatively normal life once again. Well, I jumped the gun. Back to earth I came crashing.
The goals that I set for myself were, shall we say, realigned yesterday when I met with my back doctor (I was supposed to have seen him two weeks ago but I missed my appointment by a day – damn vicodin). He was impressed with the recovery I’ve made so far, saying I am where I should be. He added that I am set up for success.
However, he fears returning to work too soon could jeopardize my long-term recovery. I still have a way to go and much work still needs to be done. My hamstrings are extremely tight – I can’t raise either leg more than a couple of feet off of the table when lying down. This puts undue stress on the back. My left leg muscles are also still weak from the damaged nerve.
He even said I might need another cortisone shot! Wow, I hadn’t seen that one coming. He wants to wait and see if physical therapy and continued walking can restore my nerve, but since I can’t take any anti-inflammatory drugs (allergic to the whole family of drugs), he might have to go back in with the needle.
Also, he (like me) doesn’t like the idea of trying to work while still on narcotics. He thought that in another month or so I might be down to just half a vicodin pill in the morning and half at night – a marked reduction of narcotics in my system from what I have flowing now. 
I have a myriad of emotions surging through me right now. I felt some relief when I realized I didn’t have to go back to work next week. I was surprised to feel this since I had thought I was ready and was even beginning to once again look forward to working (something I didn’t have the energy to feel for quite some time). But I guess part of me always knew this was pushing it.
Just yesterday I felt quite sore and tired. A thought began to form in my head, wondering how I would be able to handle work if cleaning up the dishes was difficult. I guess I quickly squashed that thought with a quick, “I’m just going to make it work.” Forcing myself to just do it, though, and not taking care of my body during stressful times, is what got me into this mess in the first place.
I also feel plenty of guilt. I feel like I let everyone down, including myself. My wife, parents, and work all thought that I was going back to normal next week. Instead, more of the same. While I know mentally that I shouldn’t feel guilty – how was I to know? – I still feel pretty bad for it.
I’m also quite disappointed that my doctors never indicated that recovery might take so long. It seems like they’ve done a poor job of managing expectations. I guess it’s hard to know the exact situation that each patient will be in during recovery. Yet couldn’t they have at least explained the short and long estimates of how long it could take. That would have saved many people a lot of headaches when milestones that we thought were legitimate couldn’t be met.
I guess I just have to take comfort in knowing that all of the professionals I am in the care of tell me I am making good progress and should recover fully. Some day.
So many questions. Too much to think about. It’s all very stressful. I better proceed carefully. My wellbeing is at stake. I can’t let a change in plans and rise in stress make me forget to do the only things that will ensure that I do one day get better.
Deep breath. Tighten abdominal muscles. Toe raises. Squats. Walk. Breathe. Think happy thoughts.
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Sorry to hear about the reset, but hang in there! I’ll be sending you good thoughts!
Sorry to hear about the reset, but hang in there! I’ll be sending you good thoughts!
Thanks Ann! Really appreciate your thoughts and wishes. I’ll get there one day. Then we can hit the trails together!
Thanks Ann! Really appreciate your thoughts and wishes. I’ll get there one day. Then we can hit the trails together!
Backs are so tough. Doctors don’t have a good enough understanding of them to talk with real authority, and when they hurt there is no tangible, measurable sign like a cast or a fever that other people can grab on to. You are doing a great job healing, though. And the progress you have made is nothing short of huge. Even compared to just a few weeks ago. Just keep focused on that. And the fact that we will be blazing along the trails before you know it.
Backs are so tough. Doctors don’t have a good enough understanding of them to talk with real authority, and when they hurt there is no tangible, measurable sign like a cast or a fever that other people can grab on to. You are doing a great job healing, though. And the progress you have made is nothing short of huge. Even compared to just a few weeks ago. Just keep focused on that. And the fact that we will be blazing along the trails before you know it.
I found this article linked through the Atlantic (http://www.theatlantic.com/james-fallows/). I realize this was posted several months ago but I’m wondering how your recovery went/ is going. I had a microdiscectomy to correct a herniated disc at L5/S1 in January (5 months ago) and still have residual nerve pain, although it is SO much better than it was. I am beyond anxious to be running again after over a year being out of being sidelined with this disc problem. So far I haven’t been able to run for more than a few minutes at a time without my nerve raging for days following. It looks like you had some setbacks yourself, but I sincerely hope you’ve made progress since this posting.
I am fascinated by the barefoot running phenomenon and considering starting a walking program using Vibram FiveFingers or a similar product. Are you still running with them? How are you feeling now? All the best…
That’s quite similar to the surgery I had back on August 11, 2009. It took me until January to be able to do much without Vicodin and still not feel major pain. I ran/walked in the hills, slowly increasing my distance from .25 of a mile after the surgery to 7 miles on my long run and once up to 26 miles in a week. I also was doing physical therapy from October through December.
Once I resumed work, also in January, I settled into a 3 mile trail run on Tue and Thu morning and then a 6–7 mile trail run on Sat mornings. While I would feel a little tingling in my back, I didn’t experience much nerve pain, I am glad to say.
I highly encourage you to start a walking program barefoot or in Vibram Five Fingers or Vivo Barefoots. I only wore super-minimal shoes (the two I just mentioned) for at least 5 months after the surgery. I still do, but in my line of work have to put on my ‘high-heeled’ dress shoes once in awhile. I credit walking with a forefoot strike with helping my recovery. Though, of course, I can’t be exactly sure what difference it made.
Start walking whenever you can barefoot to learn what a forefoot strike feels like. Then increase your distance, still not running. If that goes well, try 100 ft running that way. Landing on your forefoot instead of your heel, with a bent knee, under your center of gravity, I found, protected my back from the shock of the land. AND, since I was much lighter on my feet with a faster cadence, there really wasn’t that much shock at all.
A few posts that I suggest:
> 12 Step Program to Run Barefoot (http://bit.ly/cbioml)
> The New Guide to Running Shoes (http://bit.ly/cuKwsL)
I wish you the best of luck. Please stay in contact as the thought of being able to help someone suffer less from the exact same thing I went through fills my heart with joy!
Thanks for stopping by.
That’s quite similar to the surgery I had back on August 11, 2009. It took me until January to be able to do much without Vicodin and still not feel major pain. I ran/walked in the hills, slowly increasing my distance from .25 of a mile after the surgery to 7 miles on my long run and once up to 26 miles in a week. I also was doing physical therapy from October through December.
Once I resumed work, also in January, I settled into a 3 mile trail run on Tue and Thu morning and then a 6–7 mile trail run on Sat mornings. While I would feel a little tingling in my back, I didn’t experience much nerve pain, I am glad to say.
I highly encourage you to start a walking program barefoot or in Vibram Five Fingers or Vivo Barefoots. I only wore super-minimal shoes (the two I just mentioned) for at least 5 months after the surgery. I still do, but in my line of work have to put on my ‘high-heeled’ dress shoes once in awhile. I credit walking with a forefoot strike with helping my recovery. Though, of course, I can’t be exactly sure what difference it made.
Start walking whenever you can barefoot to learn what a forefoot strike feels like. Then increase your distance, still not running. If that goes well, try 100 ft running that way. Landing on your forefoot instead of your heel, with a bent knee, under your center of gravity, I found, protected my back from the shock of the land. AND, since I was much lighter on my feet with a faster cadence, there really wasn’t that much shock at all.
A few posts that I suggest:
> 12 Step Program to Run Barefoot (http://bit.ly/cbioml)
> The New Guide to Running Shoes (http://bit.ly/cuKwsL)
I wish you the best of luck. Please stay in contact as the thought of being able to help someone suffer less from the exact same thing I went through fills my heart with joy!
Thanks for stopping by.